But today I gave up on Cub.

I know it’s just a grocery store.  It’s one of the more popular ones in Minnesota.  I just can’t stand it.  I walk in and get edgy.  All focus is lost.  The simple list of things that I wanted flies out of my head and hides somewhere between the bulk potato chips and the pillar candles with the Virgin Mary on them.  By the time I’m done shopping not only am I cranky but I have also been filled with a feeling of dread.

There I times when I have to submit and just realize that I have been beaten.

I can’t take the crowds and the size of the store, I don’t want 47 different kinds of pickles to choose from, and when I order deli meat I don’t want it to come from the pre-sliced pile.  I’ll gladly pay more for less.  I’ll take fewer options.  Just please bag my groceries and put in some decent lighting…and for God’s sake turn of the beep on your scanning equipment.

Um…Huh?

I had an itch…I wanted to go see.  You know, just take a gander at some of the things we might like for Comma; see what the NEEDS were versus the WANTS.  There is a huge difference.  Stores like Babies R Us are designed to turn “Hmmm.…I wonder if we really need that…” into “Well…the baby does need to be safe/happy/smart/protected…”.  Luckily, Sherman and I got out in time.  There seems to be a switch, either you stay and get sucked into all the “stuff”, or the opposite happens and you think “what in the hell do I need all of this “stuff” for?”.

Seriously…how did children survive before?  I was born in 1978.  I don’t remember having all of this crap.  My younger brother was born in 1987.  I don’t remember us having all of the crap but I do remember it being available.  Being close to nine years old when he was an infant, I remember a lot about babies.  I do not recall him having a bouncy seat with lights, music, and a vibrating “soothing” feature.

We were looking around, knowing we would NEED a crib, car seat, stroller, and some sort of seat type thing for the baby pretty much as soon as Comma comes home.  We weren’t worried about duvet covers or “developmental toys” (my idea of a developmental toy is a cardboard box with holes in it and a magic marker).  We we just wandering, browsing, seeing what the world had to offer.

I have never been so bewildered in my life.  Car seats, infant seats, transition seats, booster seats, convertible seats… Seats that locked into the car, then worked as a carrier, then snapped into the stroller before finally strapping onto the crib had me wondering when the heck you actually held your baby.  Near everything we saw seemed to be specifically designed to avoid physical contact and child movement at all costs.  I’m sure I will eat my word one day when I have a baby that is FINALLY asleep and I have to move it from car to house or something like that, but in the present I am astounded at how many people tote their children around in matching luggage sets.

Strollers…oy.…if only an infant would be safe and comfortable in an umbrella stroller life would be easier.  I wouldn’t have to decide between nine different designers, five types of folding styles, whether or not I want one that will clip a car seat into it, and if I need the tires that look like they belong on a Hummer.  My “must have” for a stroller..comfy seat, some sort of sun shade, and a cup holder…for me…not the baby.  The built in iPod speakers are great but seriously?  I don’t have an iPod jack in my car!

I’m not even sure we really looked at cribs…I think I got lost in the “safety section” which took over about fifty percent of the stores square footage.  I imagine a child could go without ever have a skinned knee or stubbed toe in its life if we bought everything there. 

Bouncy seats were perhaps the most baffling to me though.  I know that little fabric covered bouncy little papazan chairs existed.  I’ve seen them.  Not in stores like this though.  We saw at least thirty different types and the only difference was upholstery.  All of them had vibrating action, and most had lights and hanging things, a few were even heated.  Seriously chairs like that numb my butt…how will my baby really react.  By the end of the trip we were actually looking at the ones which looked as if the accessories would be the most easily removed.

How did Sherman and I grow up to be (relatively) well adjusted adults without all of these bells and whistles?

We are going to try to go retro.  Less plastic, less vibrations, fewer flashing lights.  I want the swing that if you wound it up to much you crossed your fingers and held out your arms until it slowed to a safe pace, all the while the baby is laughing its tiny butt off.  I want the Johnny Jump Up that you should really have a contractor install for safety, but once its up there you have a happy (and contained) kid.  I want the bouncy chair that you wished you could fit in cause it just looked so squashy and comfortable.

So far IKEA and thrift stores are the most successful so far…I imagine what we are looking for we could find at a good old fashioned Kentucky yard sale…though my snobby and design inclined nature would have me painting and reupholstering quite a bit of it.

For example.…

Being checked on from a friend at work. (Very nice on it’s own. )

Finding out from that friend that you are missing a cooler full of rotten food due to a power outage. (Wow!  I can’t imagine anything nastier than being home with tummy issues except dealing with a cooler full of rotten food. )

When you finally gather the nerve to leave the house being passed on the highway by a reckless speeding driver, then seeing said driver pulled over by a State Trooper up around the bend.  (Ha!  Karma!)

Finding exactly what you needed at the store for good prices. (As well as stuff you just wanted but couldn’t rationalize buying for even cheaper! )

Coming across a Longville, MN Turtle Races hat for $1.50. ( Having a new fishing hat rocks, but thinking that we will have a baby next time we go to Longville is even cooler.)

Driving back home passing a Culver’s. (Which Sherman had kind of been craving a malt from for awhile…perfect wife award.…especially with the at work drop off.)

Hearing Fidel Castro resigned. ( And for a moment thanking our lucky stars that George W. Bush isn’t allowed to resign and basically had the position over to his brother…)

So now, the belly feels better; the house is clean; and I go to bed hoping to not wake up with a crummy stomach but thinking if I do today didn’t work out to bad after all.