“Are you sure they were directing them at Ijah?”

“Well they were focused down…so either they were going towards Ijah or they were very very bold.”

I’m still not sure, could be the cape, could be the legs…

I remember the last time shaved though, well not specifically the time, but my reaction, which was to the best of my knowledge “Oh my God!  What happened to your face?!”

I didn’t mean it mean, it was just suprising.  I don’t think he warned me, and as a lover of his facial hair I was shocked.

We both learned from that experience.

This time he let me know what he was doing.  And this time I responded more appropriately.

“Hey handsome, my husbands not around, you wanna have dinner and then…I don’t know… ”

A much better response, and a much happier husband.

And although I love the fuzzy face, he does look good both ways, and now I won’t have to pull my hairs out of his beard after every hug.

0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144…

If you don’t know what this is you should.  It’s beauty.

And for good measure…

01001001001000000110110001101111011101100

11001010010000001111001011011110111010100

10000001101101011011110111001001100101001

00000011011100110111100100000011000100110

000101100011011010110111001100101110

Some gifts you don’t even need to use tape.  And oddly shaped packages are never a problem.

Not to mention shiny.  You gotta love shiny.

I can’t help but think that that is a good omen.

These are the men that chase after you down the water slide when you slip out of their arms and are afraid to hit the pool on your own; the guys that pad up the back of the van and fill it with movies so that the long drive is easy.  They are the ones that toss you and your Mom into the tiny back yard swimming pool clothes and all when its too hot to smile, and stay up late with you on Christmas eve laughing with you at the Popes hat.   The men that welcome you with open arms when you’ve never met them before and have no idea what you are really doing on this farm.  And the ones that treat you like one of their “real daughters” from the day they meet you. All the men that when they hug you you feel safe and loved.

Fathers are the amazing men that try to do everything they can to help when you are overwhelmed with new baby and life and everything in between.  They take over when you can’t do it anymore.  They know what a big deal it is to let you sleep late and still call you gorgeous.  They love the one on one times they have with their children.

You don’t always appreciate them, you don’t always pay enough attention, you don’t always thank them enough, but still they are there.

If you have one Father in your life you are lucky, if you have many you are lucky.  I love all of mine, and thank them for all that they have given to me.

Happy Fathers Day.

Some of my favorite things are happy accidents…it’s a term my ceramics teacher used a lot…I guess he knew I never really had a plan…

I’d love to say that I took this picture.  I didn’t.  Sherman took it, and for some reason I just love it.  I think the softness, the color, the warmth, is beautiful.  He admitted to it being a “whoops”.  He told me he was trying to suprise me with a…well a different picture…to set as my phone wallpaper when I walked in with Ijah…

I imagine I’ll get the intended one as well.    I do like the accident though.

At some point Ijah may notice that Dad doesn’t drive, easy enough to explain really, or maybe he won’t, maybe he’ll have a whole troop of “Mom’s the driver” friends.  It probably won’t even come up, as little as we drive.

The three hour trip home from Iowa made me realize, that no matter how tired of driving I get, I am glad I don’t have his job.  I’m perfectly happy being the one behind the wheel.  Not to mention my arms aren’t near long enough for the tending that occasionally needs to be done.

So a few smacks in the head later and I’m back here.

As I was redoing the format, trying to decide what to do with this blog I considered changing the name.  Things change right?  Maybe it’s time to step away from the old.  While I was pondering this it hit me *POW*…the point of the name was change.  When I started here I talked about how things always change, and people always change, and life changes;  I talked about that and often times how it was a very good thing.  If you don’t fear the changes you can see what they mean, where they take you, how they help you.  I was reminded of a phrase, “I give myself very good advice but I very seldom follow it.”

Where the *POW* left me was this.  I was trying so hard to be “right”, be “good”, be “OK” and caring, that for a period of time I forgot to be me.  Here I went through this crazy change of becoming a wife and damn near immediately after becoming a mother, so when I got there I just kind of stopped, I got stuck.  I loved being a wife, I loved (most of) being a Mom, but I had completely stopped loving myself.  Most of it manifested in body image, the most twisted and negative things in my head get poured into my image of myself, but there was a lot of envy as well.  Envy of other peoples freedom, friends, financial state, looks, opportunities,  an ugly, ugly situation.  One that just kept pushing me further away from the person I strive to be.

Sometimes it takes time to realize the obvious.

If I don’t start loving myself more I’ll end up hating every one else, and lets face it, that’s not good for anybody.  If I don’t get what I need, then I can’t give it to others, if I don’t move forward I will get stuck.

So I’m still not considering myself done, I’m still not set, I need time to keep growing, keep changing, keep figuring things out.  It’s ok that I am flighty sometimes and that I switch hobby to hobby.  It’s ok that I’m not in my skinny jeans and might never be.  It’s ok that I sometimes just need to let Ijah cry it out, and it’s ok to be alone on occasion.  And I know that, I don’t have to be done.  It’s ok to still wonder, and move, and be suprised.  It’s ok for me to not know what I want to be or what I’m going to be.

Some of the best things in life are best when they aren’t quite done…everybody loves cookies with slightly squishy middles…