I was the mom chasing the two year old around the grocery, putting back lemons, fixing cereal boxes, and eventually sweeping him up onto my hip and bribing him with strawberries.

The slow motion scenes are worth it a lot of the time though…and seeing how much speed he can build up is really kinda fun.

It makes a difference though.

And I change a lot of diapers, I earn some self maintenance time.

As I took his picture he put on a modest face.  He knows he’s good, but he doesn’t have to brag.

As a first time Mom I think to myself, am I interacting enough?  When we go on walks I name everything he points at, we read every night, we stack things on occasion, we play peek and chase.  I let him go up the stairs and patiently keep a step back just in case.  But I read the magazines and the blogs and I realize, I don’t play pat-a-cake with him often.  We don’t sing the ABC’s, I prefer to have music on that isn’t toddler themed.  We hang out at the coffee shop and stop to talk to dogs.  I guess my worry is that I don’t do the “typical” baby stuff you see.  Am I stunting him in some way?  Does it matter at this age?  Should we be doing the itsy bitsy spider more often, should he already know how to clap?

So my Mom skills are under investigation right now…but at the same time, when my head is full of other life, and he seems so happy playing with books, could it just mean I’m raising a reader.  A fearless and active when he wants quiet boy?  When he goes to school he’ll be behind on the games…but he will probably know exactly what to do during quiet time…

But the infusion of sunshine has done wonders for my spirits as Ijah and I are walking near everyday.  He is discovering how to deal with the sun, starting to enjoy the wind in his face, and grass.  I am getting some exercise, sun, and air.  All of this makes me a better person.

There are a lot of people out during the day, I forgot this over the past winter, it’s nice to see them, its good to be seen, makes me remember I’m a person.  Easy to forget when you feel cooped up with kiddo.

I’ve gotten much better at that “uber prepared” Mom thing.  The standard diapers and such, teethers and loveys.  Its rare that I don’t have cheerios or snacky poofs of some sort.  I am typically armed with a sippy cup and a nuk as well as at least one book.  Extra outfits, newly acquired sun-screen, and today I am packing a new spring essential…the park blanket.  My mom made it for me awhile ago and it took me through the most outdoor summer of my life, today it goes under the stroller and I hope it sees many picnics this year.

So I understand now the big diaper bag that turns into the big purse…I get it…sorry for making fun guys.

My plants are thriving in the newly acquired sunshine, and I move my poor avocado from sunny window to sunny window through out the day. I guess he’s my pet project right now…probably represents some sort of deep seated insecurity, but right now hes sprouting new leaves and I am feeling good, so that’s great.

Color is creeping into the house via leftover paint and light, and the house is feeling very much like we plan on living here for awhile.

Near daily coffee visits with Sherman, and early off Fridays bring a little of the before baby feeling back, which is nice.  I miss the out and about parts on non-baby life, and now they seem to be coming back, just with a little extra stuff to carry around.

So, I’m glad its Spring, and I know it can go back to cold, but that’s ok.  This week has shown us all that sunshine does still exist and that your toes wont have to be covered forever.

Days like today have me running to get a job. Not because I want to work out of the house, not because we so desperately need the money. Today would be the day that I would want a job purely as an excuse to drop off Elijah at day care. I find myself looking at prices and figuring exactly how much I would need to make just to pay for it.

Days when the whine is at a constant since wake up. When he would rather sit and cry then read, or play, or sleep. When nothing you do is right except carrying him around. The days where he doesn’t want to eat, or knock down blocks, or play with hot pads. The days where you remember colic and how at least that was easier because he would eventually fall asleep. Days when you wonder if you should call the Dr. either for him or for you because there is obviously something not right in the scenario.

And you know that he’s growing, and teething, and learning. You know that his brain is going a million miles and hour and it must be crazy to be alive and be him, but it doesn’t help. It still takes every ounce of restraint not to just scream and cry as much as he is. When all you really want is for him to be happy but you just can’t be climbed on, pulled at, and carry any more.

Then you’ll get a break. Five minutes of happy babble. The amusing attempt at feta cheese. A nap for both of you. And that’s the only thing that sustains you, because you are so close to the tipping point.

Being a stay at home mom is difficult, and seems impossible sometimes. The percentages vary, depending on if it’s on of those days or not. I’m thinking though, on average, throughout a life time (or baby-time) its ninety-five percent. Ninety-five percent great, and five percent impossible. But I guess most jobs are like that, and the ninety-five isn’t as rewarding.

So today I will bite my tongue, not work on my resume, and look forward to the next cheese encounter or five minutes of babble. Because even though I’m in the five percent right now, the percentages change and the day is made up of a lot of time.

And why is it that Ijah, in a house full of toys and nooks and crannies, likes nothing more than to shove the cat in his mouth, not put off at all by teeth, claws, hair, and dirt?

Exactly how do you pry a baby off of a cat properly and once that is done how on earth do you de-filth the baby?

These questions started the first “why are you so mean to me Mom?!” fight ever…and Jello is looking at me mean too.

Sorry boys…separate sides of the house till you one of you learns to behave…

I wondered though today where the cut off line will be for poor little Ijah.  It’s possible he’ll go straight from cute, to good looking, to handsome.  But more likely he will get to “that stage”…it could be as a toddler, when he’s all scrapped up and bratty.  Could be the tween years when he gets pudgy all the sudden…maybe middle school when he’s all knees and elbows.  Early high school struck by bad skin or teeth, or god forbid a doofy haircut.  I wonder when or if cute will fall off.

We laugh sometimes because we think it would be HILARIOUS if somehow Ijah became a male model…especially if he was super smart and could do other thingss but was just amused by the fact that he could make more money modeling.  I think I would make him watch Zoolander with me over and over again until I laughed so hard I passed out…But then if he was super famous he could buy us the house we want…

So nothing profound tonight…just a thought.