Stupid measurments…

I’ve been eat­ing better…well less at least.  I’ve been drink­ing water (not beer).  I’ve been get­ting more exer­cise, feel­ing smaller, feel­ing more fit, and dare I say like I have been look­ing bet­ter.  So when I get some boots that don’t fit my calves what do i do?  I don’t say “damn it, boots never fit my calves, even skinny.”.  No…that would be too healthy.  No, I jump on the Wii Fit scale, grab the tape mea­sure and pro­ceed to beat myself up over a dif­fer­ent waist mea­sure­ment, and three gained pounds.

I cer­tainly don’t say, well I could have mea­sured wrong, or weight fluc­tu­ates, or it’s just a num­ber I’ve been feel­ing bet­ter.  Nope, self flag­u­la­tion.  Imme­di­ately resign­ing to being fat and ugly all my life.  Decid­ing to never have another child because if I ever get back in shape I don’t want to ruin it again.  I might have been over react­ing a bit.  But that is what I do every time.  I think this is one of the rea­sons daugh­ters scare me.  How am I, the one with the worst moments of body loathing ever, sup­posed to teach a young girl about good body image, con­fi­d­ance, and self love?  A prob­lem for another day I guess.

I felt a lit­tle bet­ter later last night, after talk­ing to Sher­man, and actu­ally allow­ing myself to feel good about the excer­cise I did that morn­ing, as opposed to feel­ing like it was the “least” I should have been required to do.

Today I woke up and did pilates again.  With the weather warm­ing up I’ll be able to get out and walk more.  I know sizes are sizes and sizes are stu­pid, weight is a num­ber and being healthy is some­thing dif­fer­ent.  I know that it is really about how you feel and function…

That in mind I also know who I am and how I react…so I’m wait­ing on step­ping on the Wii Scale again for a bit…I’m mad at it.

Tags: body image, emotions, Life, perspective, weight, Wii